You big time deserve a holiday. Tell your boss you do and if they disagree, tell them they can stick their stinking job before grabbing a goldfish and marching, dramatically, out of the office. And don't stop going into you reach one of these lovely UK destinations.
Close to home // Cotswolds
At the time of writing the entire planet is on the brink of atomic war which, frankly, isn't good news. But, when Trump's sausagey finger does hit that button, we know exactly where we will be driving really rather quickly to. The Old Dairy. A cute, cosy cottage less than an hour from Birmingham it's probably not nuclear resistant, but it really does make you feel utterly hidden away from the rest of the world. So go with someone who ticks the "I-could-quite-happily-die-in-their-arms" box.
As romantic as the 300-year-old Grade II listed building is (there's a beautiful stone cheese press in the bedroom) you may choose to avoid cabin fever and explore the local area. So shuffle out of your 18th Century hidey-hole and head on over to the Eight Bells, a beautiful pub in Chipping Camden that is so old it makes The Old Dairy look like Silicon Valley. It's here where we ordered crispy squid that was so good we immediately ordered a second plate full. They only serve it on Sunday, mind you. And we don't think Trump's too picky on what day of the week he fancies global annihilation.
Beachy break // Cornwall
Avoiding the crowds in Cornwall can be tricky. Hoards of emmets (that’s you and me, by the way) descend on the county every summer to take advantage of the beaut coastline and cutesy seaside towns. Penzance might not be your first port of call when visiting Cornish Kernow, but that should change. Like, right now. Jump on a train at New Street and get off at the end of the line. Make sure the Art Deco lido, right on the beach with actual seawater is top of your itinerary and if you’re lucky combine it with a yoga or paddle boarding sesh.
In the old quarter, you’ll find Artist Residence. As the name suggests, the walls are laden with artwork and each room is decorated in a different style. Our personal fave is the Picture Loft. Close to Sennen Cove, Marazion and St Ives, you're perfectly placed to get the full Cornish beach experience, while the in-house restaurant, the Cornish Barn provides all your city-dweller essentials, like avocado breakfasts and flat whites. So you’re not completely out of your comfort zone.
Big city lights // Edinburgh
E-town is a real contender for prettiest UK capital. It's also packed full of historic landmarks, culture, and the friendliest faces you’ll see outside of B-town. A fair jaunt from home, Toto, it’s totally worth the drive, or the flight if you want to reduce travel time for maximum tourist time.
And as you’ve gone such a long way, shouldn’t you treat your travel-weary bones to the swishest pad in town? Right where you want to be in the centre of all the things, is the G&V Royal Mile. The modern exterior makes an imposing impression amongst its historic neighbours. Inside is equally all kinds of spesh for the style-obsessed. A lesser mag would insert the term ‘fashionista’ here. Previously the Missoni hotel, it’s all arty lighting, marble tables and splashes of orange and purple and green as far as the eye can see.
Be sure to head to Cucina, their Italian restaurant that embraces a kaleidoscopic palette and is more than just a little bit ‘grammable.
Country pad, city perks // near Bath
Soho Farmhouse relaxed luxe with a slightly more accessible price tag is what to expect at The Pig near Bath, which is also near Bristol should you convince yourself to leave at any point. We stayed in the Gardener's Shed, with four-poster, free-standing bath and the sort of larder it would be indecent not to raid. Pretty much in the lavenderised kitchen garden, the hexagonal home is about as chill as it gets, and a little bit wonderful for wandering purposes, even if our plus one got so lost he had to be returned by a gardener.
The menu at the light-filled restaurant (which L-O-V-E-S food intolerances — they've got a dedicated gluten-free toaster at breakfast FFS) can change by the minute depending on what the forager deems to be looking best. Spread across a number of rooms, you'll immediately be working out how to imitate the bar's interior, where you're as welcome to wear your favourite band's ripped t-shirt as floor length dinner party patter. It's probably our favourite place to just be at The Pig. Or it could be the Potting Shed treatment room. Or it could be the expanse of the trestle-tabled garden. Or maybe it's that bath.